Honey.
Honey?
Here, come here. I wanna show you something.
Okay.
Okay, so instead of getting married at your parents' club,
We could elope, go to the Caribbean,
Get married by reverend jimmy.
Uh, he's naked.
No, he's wearing a collar there.
And a little bit of sunscreen.
Think about it.
You just wanna elope because you're afraid of my family.
I'm afraid for your family.
Every time I’m around them something bad happens.
Well, maybe we're past that.
It's been a month and you haven't hurt any of them.
I haven't seen them in a month.
Sam, I don't want to elope, okay?
I wanna get married at the rose gazebo at my parents' club
I mean, it's what I’ve wanted since I was a little kid.
You're not gonna believe how beautiful it is.
I know, I know.
So beautiful.
Don't cry. You don't cry.
I'm joking about the eloping.
Of course we're gonna get married in the gazebo.
Yeah.
Oh, Sam, the coffee!
What?
The carafe. Put the carafe under it.
What is a carafe, honey?
Ah!
Don't come in here! Hello?
Hi, mom. Stay away!
Now, honey, Sam’s boss hasn't rsvp'd yet.
And seating chart-Wise,
Everything is hinging on him.
Well, I’ll ask Sam to ask him
If he's coming.
Ah! Oh, good.
The other thing is I’ve been-
You know what, mom, I can't talk right now.
Sam and I are having a huge crisis.
Okay-
Okay, that's strange.
Mel seemed very agitated.
I heard Sam shouting.
It sounded like she was hitting him.
Good.
Hey, my mom says your boss hasn't rsvp'd for the wedding.
It's no problem.
I'm running by the office right now
To pick up the wedding programs from Adam. Mm.
I'll just ask him.
How about you?
Big day?
No, hey, I’ve been dealing
With wedding details every single day
For the last 30 days and I need a break.
So I’m gonna call my mom and I’m gonna tell her
That I cancelled the meeting at the club
With the wedding coordinator and then I have the whole day
To sit home and watch baby stories marathon.
It's so good.
It's about babies... and their stories.
Okay, don't forget to call your mom.
Yeah, I’m gonna do it right now.
Oh, it's breech.
I'll call her later.
This is where you say, "thanks, Adam.
You did a spectacular job with these wedding menus."
You know, once a woman's been pregnant,
Is she ever normal again?
Okay, I don't think you realize how much time
I spent on these.
I'm sorry.
I- Mel's been losing her mind lately.
Um, these are great, dude.
Thank you so much, really.
I'm really excited about the wedding.
Did you know that Chloe’s reading a sonnet?
I know.
Did you know she's gonna doing it without panties for mol?
Thank you for that.
I really love to hear
What you and Mel’s little sister do
In your kinky times.
Anyway, point is,
I'm excited about the wedding.
Don't talk about the wedding anymore.
You and Mr. Foster were the only people
They'd let me invite from the office.
Oh, dude, get over yourself.
No one cares if they were invited.
Steve-O, you don't care that me and Mr. Foster
Are the only ones invited to Sam’s wedding, do you?
Sam said it was only gonna be family.
Okay, so Steve cares.
It is. It's just family.
And bosses, you always gotta invite them.
And, like, close, close friends.
Like you... and you.
Did you not get your invitation, guys?
No. I didn't get mine either.
Okay.
You know, what I think happened...
Is our mailman is a drunk.
The point is you guys are invited
To my wedding 'cause, you know,
You're the guys. I don't wanna sit at Adam’s table.
I don't wanna sit at Steve’s table.
Okay, so Saturday it is.
All right.
Thanks a lot, man. You can't do that.
Weddings are planned way in advance.
You can't do last-Minute situations like that.
Mel's gonna lose her mind. Lose it even more.
She's probably gonna call the wedding off.
Hey, hon, I have a quick question for you.
Hypothetically, if I were to invite just a few more people
From the office to the wedding-
No, you didn't invite more people, did you?
'Cause we have absolutely no room left. Okay.
Someone needs to look up "hypothetical"
In the dictionary.
Don't scare me like that.
Oh, shoot, it's my mom again.
I should really tell her
That I cancelled the wedding coordinator meeting.
You still haven't told her? Oh, my god.
The cord is around the baby's neck.
I’m a let it go to voicemail, bye.
Okay.
Love you.
Hey, everybody, guys.
Um, I am really sorry about this,
But you can't come to the wedding.
You don't want us.
No, I totally want you there.
I just rearranged some stuff.
I'm sorry.
What, is something wrong?
No... yes.
Something, yeah, went wrong.
The wedding's off.
Oh, my god, who called it off?
Me-Mel did.
And-But it's not-Don't-
Don't you dare judge her.
She has cold feet and that is a legitimate way
To respond to a situation like this.
I'm just sad for the-Everybody.
Especially myself... and Mel and you guys.
'Cause this was gonna be our day.
Thank you for your time
And efforts.
What's going on?
Mel just broke up with Sam.
The wedding's off.
Wow, she actually did it.
I should go talk to him.
No, I’m gonna go talk to him.
Hey, Chloe, did you hear about the wedding?
Dick, I just got off the phone with Chloe.
Apparently Mel called the wedding off.
What, are you sure?
I-
You know, I knew she sounded strange this morning.
I have to call her.
With the twins...
It was two squared, which is four, but now with her
It's three squared, which is nine.
And so the love-
Hello?
Mel, honey.
I just heard the most upsetting news.
I know.
I'm sorry that I didn't call you,
But I just- I didn't know how
To tell you that I cancelled it.
Mom, can I call you back?
I can't talk right now.
It's true.
The wedding's really off?
The wedding's off?
Come here.
Oh, dick.
Oh, leave it.
Oh, you.
I think I’ll go call the club
And get our deposit back on our gazebo.
I'm gonna have a glass of wine and line the shelves
With contact paper.
Hello?
Sam.
Hey, Angela.
Oh, that's cool.
Did something different to your hair.
What are you doing here?
I brought by the menus.
They look great.
No need for a brave face, dear.
Chloe told us that the wedding's off.
Wait, what?
Why would chl-
Adam.
I should have caught him before I left.
The wedding's not off.
I had to tell a bunch of people at work that
Because I didn't know how else to uninvite them.
But I talked to Mel and she said very clearly
That it was cancelled.
No, no, we're-
She's probably talking about
The appointment you guys have today
With the wedding coordinator.
No, but she was crying.
Yeah, she's pregnant. She cries a lot.
What's he doing here?
Dick, the wedding's not off.
But I called the club.
I cancelled the gazebo.
What?
You just found out about it.
Was that, like, the first thing you did?
Well, not the first.
Can't believe you cancelled the gazebo.
Mel's gonna-I don't know what Mel’s gonna do.
Oh, just calm down. We'll get it back.
It's too late.
It's already been booked by someone else.
What?
I can't believe this.
It's not a problem. Who booked it?
Charles Waverly.
Oh, god.
Who's Charles Waverly?
Dick beat him in the race for club president
Back in '98.
And he's been looking for revenge ever since.
You know, they said that he and Margaret
Are at the club right now.
Good, all right.
Well, then we'll get over there
And we'll take care of this before Mel finds out.
Thank goodness that Mel didn't wanna go see
That wedding coordinator today.
I don't know how I would have kept her away.
I am a terrible liar.
Let's do this.
Hello? Mel!
Hey, mom.
I'm sorry I was so short with you earlier.
I've just been so emotional.
Oh, that's okay, dear. Bye!
Wait, hold on.
I'm feeling better.
You know, and I realized that we have
So much to do so I think we should go to the club today.
Oh, no, I can't go now.
My car's in the shop.
They're painting the tires.
Okay.
Um, well, I’ll just pick you up then.
I'm gonna hop in the shower
And I’ll be there in about an hour, bye.
Painting the tires?
I said I’m a bad liar.
Well, you're gonna have to get better at it fast.
You need to keep Mel away from that club.
Okay.
Sam.
You know, this is actually kinda cool.
We're on a mission together. We're a team.
We're not a team.
I like to pretend we're a team.
Anyway, where are these people?
That's Charles.
All right, target located.
Let's turn on my little charm button here.
Doo-Doo-Derp. Let's go.
Please, don't charm him.
You don't know this man.
He lives for competition.
The only way that we're go-
That I am going to get the gazebo is if I win it.
Charlie.
Dicky.
Who's your new boyfriend?
This is Sam Briggs.
Hi.
He's gonna marry my daughter Mel.
Good for you.
Actually, until earlier today,
The wedding was gonna take place here in the rose gazebo.
But then you let it go and Margaret and I snatched it up
For our 25th wedding anniversary.
What do you say you gimme a chance to win it back, huh?
I couldn't do that.
The gazebo's important to Maggie.
How about we play for this watch?
Gin, is it?
Gin it is. You're on.
Too bad we don't have a fourth.
We could play bridge.
That's really my game.
Mine too.
Yeah, mine three.
It's a great game. I love bridge.
Used to play all the time.
In college they nicknamed me "bridge".
My friend "beer" gave me that nickname.
Oh, hi, honey.
Perfect timing.
Bridge it is.
Cool.
"Bridge", can I have a word with you?
All right.
You don't know anything about bridge, do you?
I might have rounded up my bridge-Playing abilities...
From zero.
But it's okay.
It can't be that hard, right?
Come on, I’m a quick study.
Try me.
All right, fine.
In broad strokes. All right.
Your bid indicates which suit or none at all
You think you'll use as your trump
And how many tricks you think you can take.
Follow the suit that's led.
High card wins unless there is a trump.
If two trumps, high trump card wins.
Did you understand any of that?
Yeah, sounds fun. Let's do it.
That's the shortest game of bridge I’ve ever played.
Do you think we can get dick's name sanded
Off the back by Saturday?
Come on, I don't wanna be late.
But we can't leave.
We have to- We have to...
Clean up that coffee mug.
What happened?
How did it break?
Oh, your father and I were... fighting.
You were fighting? Mm-Hmm.
Yeah, it was dreadful.
Things were said and then he inferred-
You threw a coffee mug at dad?
Just to scare him.
But it's fine.
It's not fine.
Mom, what happened?
I'll start from the beginning.
Good game.
I thought we were gonna play a series of games though?
Let's keep it going. How about a game of war?
I'm really good at war. I'm sorry, boys.
According to my new watch,
Maggie and I are late for tennis.
Enjoy your wedding wherever you have it.
We play you. Doubles for the gazebo. What?
That's an interesting idea.
They're actually good at tennis.
Dick, I wouldn't worry about this one.
I'm, like, 100 years younger than all you people.
When you combine the ages.
It's okay if you're not up to it, dicky.
Sorry, I-
Hello?
Mel's in the bathroom.
And I’m in the middle of a ridiculously
Complicated story and I’m pretty sure that she's on to me.
Got it.
Let's play.
Wonderful.
Sam, you get a golf cart.
The courts are kinda far away.
I don't want Maggie to have to walk.
Okay.
See, they're old.
Let's get you some clothes.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Sorry.
What do you think you can just take a cart?
There's a system in place. Okay.
Name and member number.
I'm not member.
Well, great.
A non-Member.
Driver's license.
Real-Okay. Yeah.
I'm with my-A friend of-
Okay.
Look at me, please.
You changed your hair.
Yeah.
I like it better the old way.
Okay, actually, I’m so sorry.
I'm in a little bit of a hurry.
Can we just- I get one of these-
I wish it were that simple.
Isn't it? Yes.
Why don't you take, uh, number 16.
All right, what was that?
You need to get it back to us in the exact condition
You are getting it, which is mint.
Okay.
Turn the key.
Oh, that makes sense, okay.
Easy! Oh, sorry.
You didn't really throw that coffee mug did you?
No, not really.
Then why are you lying?
Because I didn't wanna tell you
That your father and I broke it when...
We were making love here in the study.
Oh, god.
Mom, if you don't wanna tell the truth, just say so.
I am.
Now, come on, we're gonna be late for the club.
Making love, gross.
This is nice the pro shop lent me all this stuff.
Now we look like a team.
We're not a team.
And that was $400 on my account.
Oh.
You better be good at tennis.
Dick, on this, I promise I am good.
I'm like Steffi Graf.
Or, well,
Does she still play?
Whoever's currently good and is a man.
That's what I’m good at.
It's a little bit much.
You know what?
We need to put on your bald spot-
That sun's gonna get you good.
What the hell are you doing?
Oh, for god sakes!
Here, you can put this on.
We're just gonna finish stretching
While you two ladies put on your makeup.
Another burn.
I don't know why I’m bothering with the sunscreen.
I'm going to warm up.
He's warming up! Did you hear that?
Dick's going to warm up, Charles.
The horse is coming outta the barn,
So look out.
A horse named dick.
A big, white stallion.
Well, anyway, the point is
That you got a warm dick coming at you,
So get ready.
Oh, my god!
Charles, are you okay?
Ooh.
Sorry, Charlie.
I think he's gonna be fine.
Oh, you wanna drive?
Don't worry about it.
It was an innocent mistake.
I do that kinda thing all the time.
I don't.
All right, so we'll just return the cart
To the cart barn and give him a little time
To let the swelling go down and take another run at him.
We're not taking another run, Sam.
It's Mel! Stop the car.
Okay, we're at an office. Play that.
Hey.
So my mom has officially lost her mind,
But we're finally on our way to the club.
And I decided I wanna meet with the coordinator after all.
No, no, honey, you don't have to go to the club.
This is your day to-To-To-To-
Are you on your way to the club?
She's on her way to the club.
Are you still at work?
Yeah, just sitting, just working at work.
Okay. Okay, babe.
All right, I’ll call you later.
I'm at the office right now, bye.
Bye.
All right, we need to go to the clubhouse,
We need to hit the Waverly’s with plan "b".
And we need to come up with plan "b".
No, Sam.
I think what you need to do is you need to figure out
How you're gonna tell Mel that thanks to you,
She won't be having the wedding that she's always dreamt of.
Thanks to me?
I don't know, I think there's a little bit
Of shared blame here on this one.
Like a 60/40 situation.
I'll take the 60.
Okay, 70/30, my final offer.
Can I ask you something?
Were you just a little bit happy
When you thought the wedding was off?
Yes.
Wow.
Look, Sam.
I don't think that you're a bad person.
But bad things happen to you all the time.
And now that I’m with you, they're starting
To happen to me.
So forgive me if I’m not thrilled that my daughter
Is marrying someone who can't seem to do
The simplest thing right.
You're not gonna get that gazebo back,
So just cut your losses.
Dick, please turn the cart around. No.
Please, I’m just-
It's dangerous to drive angry anyway.
Parking brake is broken.
Yeah, I figured that out.
Dick, wait up. Where are you going?
You're obviously not gonna tell Mel
That she lost the gazebo and I don't want her
To hear about it from a wedding planner,
So I’ll tell her myself.
Melanie, wait!
I'm dying of lupus.
That's them.
Oh, this is gonna break her heart.
Go, go, shh.
Just-I'm not ready to give up on this yet.
Please, let me show you I can do something right.
Where are we? Ladies' locker room.
Melanie.
They're right there.
Mom, what is with you?
Can we please just go talk to the wedding coordinator?
Let's use the bathroom first.
I don't have to go. Oh, nonsense.
You can always go a little.
They're coming. They're coming.
Sorry, sorry.
Come on.
Ah, Margaret.
Margaret.
Are you still wondering why I cancelled that gazebo so fast?
Dick, please.
Yes completely naked.
Stay away from me.
What the hell's going on here, dick?
Dick, let me. I'm sorry, I have to.
Can I just-Before they kick us outta here,
Please let me say one thing to you guys.
I am so sorry about what's happened today.
This was not supposed to- We certainly didn't mean to
Physically assault you or sexually assault you.
I am sorry about that.
Although, kudos on maintaining. They look-
Anyway.
Um, this whole gazebo thing
Was so important to Mel that-
And she's important to us.
We screwed it up and we are willing to do anything
To get it back.
So forget all the betting and games.
I should have just asked you this up front.
Would you just please reconsider?
Give us a minute.
Oh, who did this?
Sam Briggs!
You can have the gazebo.
Really?
Yes.
It's your wedding,
And weddings trump anniversaries
In my book.
Like clubs trump spades, huh, right?
See, I learned a little bit of bridge today.
No, you didn't.
Okay, we'll go tell the coordinator
That the gazebo's yours again.
Thank you so much.
Sam, dad, what's going on?
I thought you were at work.
Is everything okay?
Everything's fine.
Everything's fine?
Oh, dick, how did you do it?
I didn't.
Sam did.
Dad, did you just touch Sam?
You did, right there.
I felt it.
Well, I’m glad to see you guys are getting along.
Now let's go look at the gazebo.
Come on.
Wow.
Isn't it beautiful?
Wouldn't get married anywhere else.
Sam Briggs!
You destroyed number 16.
Okay, man, you need to- It's a golf cart.
And I didn't destroy it. I broke the parking brake.
Does a golf cart even need a parking brake?
As it turns out, yes.